How to Survive Rejection and Be Your Own Biggest
Fan
By Fiona Robyn
My experience of being a writer is of walking a constant tight-rope
between processing negative feedback and rejection, and feeling
good enough about my work to not give up completely. There have
been extreme highs and extreme lows over the years, and I’m not
expecting things to get any easier as time goes on — just different.
Although none of us would ever improve if we weren’t able to
take on feedback from others, we also need to manage this process
so it doesn’t overwhelm us. If we’re not passionate about our
work at least some of the time then how can we expect anyone else
to value what we’re doing? So how do we survive?
Create a ‘hurray for me’ file
Harsh words about our work are much sharper and stickier than
words of praise. I could repeat word for word an entire rejection
slip I received a few years ago, but my memory of the more positive
feedback I’ve received recently isn’t so clear. For this reason
I collect the best of the positive feedback I get (emails from
people who like my newsletter, friend’s responses to poems, encouraging
rejection slips etc.) and keep them in a ‘hurray for me’ file.
When the going gets tough I can re-read these words to remind
myself of the things people have liked and get a little perspective
again.
Learn more about your own relationship with your audience
Although there are similarities between different artist’s relationships
with their audience (i.e. most of us like to be ‘understood’)
we all have different idiosyncrasies and ‘weak spots’. I’m
prone
to get caught up in judging my success by listening to the outside
world, rather than focusing on what I believe is important.
When I realised this I wrote about it in my journal, asked for
advice from friends, and did reading around the subject. When
this happens nowadays I’m much more likely to catch myself before
I get too dispirited. What kind of feedback or rejection is particularly
likely to floor you? What might be behind this? What work could
you do to lessen the impact of it and support yourself through
it?
Manage the feedback you do receive
When I finished my second novel and it was ‘doing the rounds’ and
being looked at by various publishers, a work colleague asked if she could
read the manuscript. I kept forgetting to bring
it in for her, and eventually realised that I just didn’t feel
strong enough to hear her opinion on it at that point in time — I
couldn’t guarantee that she’d
like it, and I felt too wobbly
to hear anything less than glowing. I explained this to her,
and several months later I was in a completely different place
and handed the book over to her happily. There isn’t a rule that
we should be on the look-out for feedback at all times and listen
to everything that everyone says. Think carefully about who you
ask for feedback, what kind of feedback you ask for (e.g. please
can you tell me three things you liked and one that could be improved),
and when you ask for it. Don’t be afraid to say you’re not in
a good place for hearing feedback, or to ask for it in writing
and put it away for when you’re feeling more receptive.
Turn off your internal critic and allow yourself to enjoy what
you’ve created
There is a time and a place for our internal critic. I ban mine
from the first drafts of novels, because if I listened to it I’d
never finish a page never mind a hundred pages. It comes into
its own during the second and subsequent drafts, telling me exactly
what it thinks about that weak characterisation, or how bored
it is by that paragraph. I also try to turn it off again when
the book is ‘finished’ so I can read it through once more and
just enjoy it, and feel smug about what a skilful writer I am.
Enjoy creating for its own sake
Remember how much you enjoy doing the work. There’s no need
for me to say any more about this one.
Add to this list with a few ideas of your own
You’re the one who will learn best how to sustain yourself through
the sticky patches. Try out different ideas — having ‘mutual
fan-club’ meetings with a colleague, collect stories of other
artists who have successfully faced a lot of rejection, copy out
the best bits of books on how to survive as an artist… keep going
until you find some things that work, and then keep on doing them. Your work
deserves nothing less. •
© Fiona Robyn, 2006
About the Author
Fiona Robyn is a poet and novelist who likes to write and
learn about creativity in her spare time. She writes a weekly
newsletter on living more creatively, (sign up at www.creative-living.blogspot.com)
and has a site full of tips to get your creative juices flowing
at www.fionarobyn.co.uk. She lives happily in the UK with her
partner and cats, Fatty and Silver.
06/19/06
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